


Sweetest Lies

by songofthe52hertzwhale



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofthe52hertzwhale/pseuds/songofthe52hertzwhale
Summary: Julian wants to be happy.But first, he needs Logan to let him go.
Kudos: 9





	Sweetest Lies

It should be easy.

It’s in every movie, isn’t it? Every book. Every television show. Hell, he’s seen Julian himself act it out more than once.

Everybody wants to fall in love with their best friend.

It should be _easy_.

Still, Logan feels himself struggling. It’s complicated, reprogramming himself from three years of not understanding. Of not knowing, of not realizing, of not _seeing_. It doesn’t help that he’s spent so much energy on helping Julian heal, on driving him to physical therapy appointments -- despite Julian’s loud protestations -- and calming him from his frequent nightmares. He hasn’t been left with much time to work through his very tangled web of feelings, let alone even attempt to communicate them with Julian.

And he knows it isn’t fair.

He sees the look in Julian’s eyes, now that he’s actually paying attention. The twinkle of hope each time Logan’s fingers brush against his hand. The slight hitch in his breath when Logan says his name. The way he stares when Logan plays for him, when Logan reaches for him to rouse him from a nightmare. Logan sees it, every time. And every time, the guilt grows.

Julian isn’t happy. He’s better, of course. He’s healing. But he’s not _happy_ , and if Logan’s painfully honest with himself, he’s not sure Julian’s been truly happy in a long time. He’s not happy, and he desperately wants to be.

The most painful part of it all is that he _can_ be. Logan may have been oblivious in the past, but he’s not a total idiot. He sees the attention Julian gets, now that the others realize he’s an option. It’s not new, seeing pretty boys and girls flirt with Julian. But it _is_ the first time Julian’s shown interest back.

He noticed it with the twins, first. It had made his skin crawl, the way Julian grinned at their flirtation. That one had been short-lived, satisfied over the course of a handful of nights. But it wasn’t the last.

There was Riley, of course. Innocent, but still there. A boy from drama club, a girl on the Dobry dance team. Light flirtations, pink blushes, shining smiles. 

Then came Sebastian.

He’s different, Logan realizes. The way Julian’s posture shifts when Sebastian first walks in, the slow spread of a smile across his face when he’s handed a box of cherry-red macarons, the almost shy downward tilt of his head at the boy’s compliments. 

It makes Logan sick. 

What makes him sicker, though, is how _happy_ Julian looks around Sebastian. The light in his eyes comes back. He smiles, he _laughs_ . He almost seems to glow under Sebastian’s attentions. He likes it. He likes the attention. He likes the compliments. He likes the _love_.

But he doesn’t take it.

And Logan knows why.

He sees the way Julian’s head turns, when Sebastian tries to take his hand. The way Julian’s eyes shift over the crowd, moving until he sees Logan. The way he hesitates, as if judging Logan’s reaction. The way his eyes fall away when Logan says nothing.

Logan knows Sebastian’s asked the question more than once. He’s _heard_ it, heard the way his voice dips low as he invites Julian to dinner, to a show. He’s asked, and Julian hasn’t answered.

It’s Logan’s fault.

He doesn’t even need Julian to tell him.

Except he does.

It’s part of his therapy, Logan knows -- to communicate more, to ask outright for things he needs. It had been difficult at first, Julian’s words stuttered, his eyes twitchy. He’d gotten better. Too good, maybe.

He looks scared when Logan opens the door. He steps inside without being invited, hands fiddling with the frayed edges of his sweater sleeves.

“I want to be happy,” Julian blurts out, before Logan can ask, “I want...I’m ready to be happy.”

Logan’s not sure what to say. He wishes it were something more meaningful than: “Okay.”

“I can be,” Julian says, “Sebastian’s made me happy before.”

“In Paris. I know.”

“He’s asked me, already. He promised it would be different this time.”

“Do you believe him?”

Julian stares out the window, “Well he came all this way, didn’t he?”

“I guess he did. So what’s the problem?”

“You know what the problem is.”

Logan takes a breath. He swallows, “Jules…”

Julian finally turns. His eyes are wide, almost frantic, “I need you to tell me to stop hoping.”

“Julian…”

“I know it’s not...I _know_ , I’ve always known. But I need you to say it. I need to hear it.”

“I don’t know if I…”

“Tell me you don’t want me,” Julian demands, “Tell me you won’t ever love me.”

He _can’t_ , “I can’t.”

“You _can_ ,” Julian insists. His hands slip to Logan’s, and he squeezes, desperate, “I already know it's true. But if you never say it...there's always going to be this tiny part of me that hopes. So just tell me I’m not what you want. Tell me, so I can move on. I need to move on.”

It hurts. It aches. It stings. Logan can’t say it, at least not honestly. The longer he’s thought about it, the more he’s certain his feelings are stronger than he understands. He can’t promise he’ll never love Julian. He can’t even promise he doesn’t love him now. 

But Julian’s pleading with him. Julian’s desperate, and sad, and _lonely_. 

Logan’s hurt him enough, hasn’t he?

He swallows. He takes Julian’s hands, tries to smile.

“You deserve to be happy, Jules. You deserve to move on.”

It’s not quite what Julian asked for. Logan can’t bring himself to lie. But Julian takes it regardless. He smiles, relief flooding his face. 

“Thank you,” he says, “ _Thank you_.”

He leans in, and Logan’s stomach swoops when Julian presses a light kiss to his cheek. Then he’s off, slipping past in a cloud of coffee-scented air. The room feels empty without him, and Logan stares at the space Julian once occupied. 

He can’t help but feel he’s made a terrible mistake. That he’s said something he’ll regret forever. That he’s ruined his own life.

But maybe he’s saved Julian’s. Maybe he’s given Julian the push he needs to choose someone who won’t constantly disappoint him. Someone who won’t hurt him. Someone who’ll love him the way he deserves.

Because Julian deserves to be happy.

Even if it can’t be with Logan.


End file.
